Like vs Love

If love is a far more powerful emotion, it's only because you have no choice. You have to love your parents. You have to love your children. Hell, even romantic love is dictated by an overgrown baby with wings. Even when you don't like these people you still love them. When you hate them you still love them. And that time you were filled with murderous rage and threatened them with the nearest kitchen utensil, it was with a heart filled with love.

This is why 'like' is far more telling. Do you like your kids? What if they were some other person's kids? What about yesterday? You don't like your parents when they ground you, but when they give you ice cream they're awesome. I'm almost 30 and I still really like anyone who gives me food. Assuming they're not trying to make me east brussel sprouts. Then I really don't like them.

But, if after 40 years together you still 'like' your spouse, you've got it made. If your best friend approached you on the geriatric playground and asked, "but do you like, like Mikey" and you blush, you've had a blessed life.

Forget love. Love is out of your control.

Grammar Vs. Grammer the world's shortest IQ test

Feel free to ask spell check for help. No calculators allowed.

HIV - now, just a minor thing to tell your doctor about.

Late night advertising saves the day again. Did you know HIV is no longer all that big a deal? As a matter of fact it plays second fiddle to things you need to tell your partner about. You might spread herpes, but that HIV is no prob. Unless of course you have herpes and want Valtrex.

I too can be an expert.

I want to start the next world wide panic.

Let's start with a simple fact: somewhere between 250,000-300,000 people die each day world wide.

Now let's make an assumption: 20% of those deaths are due to unknown causes. This could be because of populations from poorer 3rd world countries that don't have money for autopsies, people from remote regions we are just assuming have died today, and legitimately mysterious deaths. We don't know if this 20% figure is correct, but we'll emphatically state it as fact.

Now let's give this 20% a name: We'll call them phantom deaths.


Every day a minimum of 50,000 people die from the Phantom Death. There is no cure.

Invite me on you're show, I'll make graphs. AND I'll even shout louder than your other expert guests so everyone knows I must be right.

The Phantom Death. It's scary, there's no cure, and it's coming for you.

Awww...she's got your - uh - blanket.

Strange things are happening, people all around me are having babies. And I've noticed an odd phenomenon that happens when people are around babies: everyone starts claiming the child's body parts. This happens with adults too, but only when they visit grandparents. I for instance have my grandmother's eyes - on both sides of the family. Two women who are entirely unrelated and never met. I have both their eyes. Which I'm sure explains why I was cross eyed as a child.




There were so many people around the day my niece was born, someone actually claimed the eyelashes. (this is not a picture of my niece)

Just a drill

Obama's a smart man. See in school we always had fire drills. The administration knew about it, and sometimes they told the teachers, and sometimes they didn't. The students never knew. It was all perfectly orchestrated to see if we knew how to react in case there was a real fire.

So that flyover by Air Force One or Two or whatever it was on Monday? Just a drill. And New York - you passed. So to all you who thought we were safer with G.W, he didn't have us practicing for emergencies did he? No. Next up L.A. Don't worry, that's not a real earthquake waking you up in the morning.

A pack of bacon a day keeps the doctor away

This is a current map of swine flue outbreaks from the New York Times. As you can see Illinois, Iowa and Wisconsin are untouched. There can only be one explanation, the Midwest is immune. After a lifetime of constant exposure to pork we have surely built up a tolerance. For all those who say eating all that pork would kill us, it turns out you were wrong. The only way to die from pig is to not eat enough of it.

A tall man's shorts are a short man's pants

This is a tall man wearing shorts (and a short man wearing shorts)




This is a short man wearing the tall man's shorts